cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
