how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
