I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
