her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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