How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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