Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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