You're my little dorito
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
