you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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