I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
