i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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