my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
