he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
