I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You are a genius and a whore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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