I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
