What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
