Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
