im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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