The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
