i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone came in the potted fern
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
