PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
