if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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