go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
