sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
