Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
