im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
