There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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