My Higher Power is John Stamos
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i've created a new STD.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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