So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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