I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
