How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
