I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
