just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
