theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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