my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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