Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
