It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
