Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's like iHOP with fire
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
