everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
