You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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