Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
