Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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