i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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