Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
