I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
