if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
