3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
