Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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