I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
