That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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