Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
