I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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