Nicole vs. Life
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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